The Three Stooges

Bill Gibron is a veteran film critic from Tampa, Florida.

Die hard Stooge fanatics need not worry. After a casting carousel which saw two Oscar winners -- Benicio Del Toro and Sean Penn -- and one former big screen superstar funnyman -- Jim Carrey -- considered for the roles of Moe, Larry, and Curly respectively, Peter and Bobby Farrelly decided to go in a different direction. Securing the talents of TV journeymen Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes, and Will Sasso, the filmmaking team behind There's Something About Mary and Hall Pass promised to be respectful to the source as well as 'updating' the trio's classic physical shtick. One thing's for sure, they hired the right actors. All three do a good job of capturing the spirit of Howard, Fine, and Howard. Sadly, the Farrellys give them, and this piffle of a film, little else.

Moe (Diamantopoulos), Larry (Hayes), Curly (Sasso) have been living in an orphanage ever since they were abandoned there as babies. They've come to be loved by the doting Mother Superior (Jane Lynch) and loathed by the angry, acerbic Sister Mary-Mengele (Larry David). When they discover that the nuns need over $800,000 to save their childhood home, the boys decide to go out into the real world and try to earn the money. There, they run into a wealthy woman (Sofia Vergara) who wants her husband killed. Reluctantly agreeing, these 'stooges' mess up the murder. Soon, they are reconnected with an old pal (Kirby Heyborne), his lawyer dad (Stephen Collins) and...the cast of Jersey Shore?!? Indeed, they will all play a part in helping these chowderheads get the cash they need.

Aimed directly at the under-10 demographic (there's even a weird 'do not try this at home' warning offered at the end) and not much further up the fan base, The Three Stooges is innocuous. It is also pointless, drab, and lacking in legitimate humor. Unlike the classic Columbia shorts of the '30s and '40s, the lingo-slinging halfwits with a propensity toward eye pokes and face slaps have been brought into the 21st century, and the transition just doesn't take. Every time our heroes open their pie holes to speak, it's like watching the Dead End Kids on Demerol. Diamantopoulos, Hayes, and Sasso are good (especially the last two) but they just don't fit into the post-modern world. The Stooges were always creatures of their own unique universe and throwing them in with talentless twonks like Snooki and 'The Situation' does nobody any favors.

In fact, the Farrellys' decision to place such stuck-in-time personalities within the contemporary settings of our modern mayhem is beyond stupid. We keep waiting for a Vernon Dent or a Bud Jamison to walk in and act as contrast. Instead, the guys just goof around, mimicking the iconic slapstick choreography that generations grew up with and obsessed over, and little else. In fact, all the framework storylines are dull, indicative of a lack of imagination and interest. As suggested by their last few outings, the Farrellys have forgotten the basics of comedy. Even the reliability of a Stooges routine can't cure them of their fondness for gross-out gags (a mid-movie 'fight' with infants in the hospital is just horrible).

Still, this is not the insult the trailers promised, nor is it a revelation ready to reinvent the Stooges for a new audience. Instead, this is a strange combination of homage and hack-job that never rises above its otherwise obvious intentions. Somewhere in the motion picture ephemera is the version of this project as it was originally intended, award-winning actors and all. This take on the Three Stooges is nothing more than a victim of its own sloppy circumstances.

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